Pornography Exposed

Pornography Exposed

In my previous post, I asked the question:

Is there anything harmful that warrants our intervention, not just for children but possibly adults?

I got responses that ranged the spectrum from support for a total ban to concern that doing so would criminalize adults who are using it in what they deem a healthy and responsible way.

As one reader asked, “…as long as the behavior is kept in the privacy of one’s home, and is not negatively affecting others, why legislate against it?”

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Things We Say to Our Friends That Are Not Helpful

Now that I'm married, it's easy to forget that I once thought singleness would be my status in life….forever. And I was ok with that! But it seemed that other people were not. In an effort to comfort me for what they saw lacking (a guy) they came up with some pretty amazing comments:

“You’ll find someone else.”

"Just wait. Eventually guys will realize what they're missing and be lining up."

"You're probably not going to get asked out a lot, and that's ok. You're just so unique! You want someone who gets that."


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Quarter Life Conference

Quarter Life Conference

Have I got a treat for you. One week from tomorrow, on Thursday March 21st, there will be a FREE online conference for 20-somethings, where you get some quality face-time with movers and shakers in the area of… wait for it…RELATIONSHIPS.

Here’s the link to sign up: Quarter Life Conference

In anticipation of this great event, I caught up with one of the speakers, Joy Eggerichs of Love and Respect Now (LRN) to ask her a few questions about relationships and her love of unicorns.

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When to Walk Away

I'm guest posting this week over at Verily Magazine. Is it time for you to walk away from your relationship? Here are three tell-tale signs:

Now that the aura of Valentine’s Day is behind us, it’s time we remove our rose-colored glasses and stare our relationships squarely in the face. You may find that your relationship is as wonderful as you thought, or you may discover that its time to walk away.

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Can Your Teen Recognize Real Love?

​You'll find me posting over at Roo Mag today on helping teens understand the difference between real love and a crush. No matter where you are in your relationships (or lack thereof), it's a reminder we could all use.

Meeting with some high school girls the other night, one girl excitedly pulled out the heart necklace with diamonds that her boyfriend had given her. She in turn had given him a necklace with a charm that read, “I love you.”

They’ve been dating for three months.

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3 Tips for When Your Plans Capsize

Seven months ago I left my job as the director of an STD and Teen pregnancy prevention program to strike out on my own as a speaker and writer.

Here was my plan:

Build a blog: Check

Write regularly, even if the only audience is your own mother: Check

Sign-up for and go crazy on every social media outlet known to man: Check

Publish my first book for parents: In Process

Take one full year to build up this new job, then start family:

That’s when God fell on the floor laughing.
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The War on Women

Have you heard of Malala Yousafzai?

She’s a 15-year-old girl in Pakistan who recently made a name for herself by speaking out in defense of education for girls. Since the age of 11, she’s been writing and reporting on the BBC’s Urdu Service.

The Taliban have not taken kindly to her rising prominence, or her outspoken defiance of their teachings. So on October 9th, they shot young Malala in the head while she waited for her school bus. Miraculously the bullet did not penetrate her skull, traveling instead under the skin along the side of her head. She is now in England recovering and is making an amazing comeback.

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What Habits Are You Forming?

It’s unatural, restricting and goes against our natural instincts, which is why people get restless in marriage,” argued my friend as we sat discussing relationships and sexual fidelity. My line of work has a tendency to bring up these sort of conversations.

He’s not alone in thinking that. It’s a line of thought that gets used to rationalize a myriad of behavior in marriages, such as the one I addressed here .

But this looks at divorce only as the sum of the marriage experience and nothing before.

Newsflash: When the city records office hands you your marriage license, it doesn’t come with a giant reset button for all your habits, attitudes and expectations about relationships.

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The Most Unromantic Proposal

I was watching The Newsroom season finale this week and …

Spoiler Alert!: Only a small one but if you plan to watch the finale, skip to the (*) asterisk down the page.

There’s a moment when one of the characters, Don, invites his on-again, off-again girlfriend Maggie into his apartment. The lights are off, the living room is glowing with candles and Don pulls out a box. At this point, any girl watching this scene with the sound off would have immediately thought, “Oh, he’s going to propose!”

Which he did. Except instead of a diamond ring as a symbol of his love and devotion, Don offers Maggie a key to his apartment.

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Do You Know How to Live with Imperfect?

I’m married to the most amazing man. Really. He has the patience of Job, the integrity of Abraham Lincoln and the looks of a rugged cowboy, all with fiery red hair. And he loves me something crazy.

But my husband is not perfect. And neither am I.

Shocking, I know. Being married nearly two years made that glaringly apparent to me.

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Are You The Hero In Your Own Story?

Have you read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller? My interest was piqued after reading this hilarious post by Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary, where she describes her time at Miller’s Storyline Conference. This book focuses on the deceptively simple, yet profound, question: What kind of story are you living? One line in particular jumped out at me. So much so that I had to grab a pen and underline it right then.

“No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is."
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Boundaries: Creating a Game Plan

In my last article, we came up with the WHY behind our relationship boundaries, discussing how the WHY gives purpose, lays the foundation, and keeps us committed to the boundaries each of us sets for ourselves.

Today, we’re discussing the HOW.

Building healthy, effective boundaries begins with envisioning where you want these relationships to go and what you’d like them to become. As Stephen Covey, author of the best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, so wisely says, “begin with the end in mind.”

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Boundaries: The WHY Underneath

Boundaries. They sound about as exciting as putting on a straight jacket. Unless you understand the WHY behind them, boundaries seem restrictive, rather than empowering. WHY gives them purpose, lays the foundation for you to build upon, and is what will keep you committed when it’s hard, painful, and you’re ready to throw in the towel.

You have to own this “why,” believe it is the core of who you are, and decide it is worth it for YOU. It is your WHY that you will keep coming back to as your relationships change, as you grow, and as seasons come and go.

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Boundaries: Ft. Knox Or Thin Ropes

Barrier. Border. Extent. Limit. Line. Edge. Boundary. We all have them in our lives. It’s how much you will put up with before you reach your limit. The extent to which you will go for a friend. The edge of your personal bubble. The line that no one should cross if they don’t want to cross you. The boundary between what is acceptable and what is unsafe, abusive, intrusive, offensive, annoying, or insensitive. Boundaries in relationships help us stay balanced and regulate how much and how fast we share. They also keep us from allowing someone to take advantage of our generosity, our time, and our love.

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