Pornography Exposed

Pornography Exposed

In my previous post, I asked the question:

Is there anything harmful that warrants our intervention, not just for children but possibly adults?

I got responses that ranged the spectrum from support for a total ban to concern that doing so would criminalize adults who are using it in what they deem a healthy and responsible way.

As one reader asked, “…as long as the behavior is kept in the privacy of one’s home, and is not negatively affecting others, why legislate against it?”

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Things We Say to Our Friends That Are Not Helpful

Now that I'm married, it's easy to forget that I once thought singleness would be my status in life….forever. And I was ok with that! But it seemed that other people were not. In an effort to comfort me for what they saw lacking (a guy) they came up with some pretty amazing comments:

“You’ll find someone else.”

"Just wait. Eventually guys will realize what they're missing and be lining up."

"You're probably not going to get asked out a lot, and that's ok. You're just so unique! You want someone who gets that."


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When to Walk Away

I'm guest posting this week over at Verily Magazine. Is it time for you to walk away from your relationship? Here are three tell-tale signs:

Now that the aura of Valentine’s Day is behind us, it’s time we remove our rose-colored glasses and stare our relationships squarely in the face. You may find that your relationship is as wonderful as you thought, or you may discover that its time to walk away.

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Struggling with Your Relationship Status?

It’s been two weeks since that day. The one that you either meet with apathy, disdain, or giddy excitement. President’s Day. Just kidding.

When you’re single, it’s easy to despise February 14th. I did my fair share of bashing, affectionately labeling it “Single Awareness Day” and wearing black in silent protest of the pink and red world I was forced to endure for a day.

Those of you lucky enough (or unlucky, depending on your view) to have a Valentine that day, you may have been frantically searching for a way to celebrate the day in a way that would somehow live up to expectations without draining your savings account.


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3 Tips for When Your Plans Capsize

Seven months ago I left my job as the director of an STD and Teen pregnancy prevention program to strike out on my own as a speaker and writer.

Here was my plan:

Build a blog: Check

Write regularly, even if the only audience is your own mother: Check

Sign-up for and go crazy on every social media outlet known to man: Check

Publish my first book for parents: In Process

Take one full year to build up this new job, then start family:

That’s when God fell on the floor laughing.
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Inter-faith Relationships: Can They Work?

A Jew and a Buddhist.
A Muslim and a Hindu.
A Christian and an Atheist.

Sounds like the start of a bad joke, doesn’t it? Actually, I want to discuss inter-faith relationships and marriages. Which may hit a sensitive cord in some depending on your own family, beliefs, and experiences.

Can inter-faith relationships work? Does it matter what is someone’s faith background?
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Picking a Partner is like Picking a President

It’s been over a week now since the General Election. And what an election it was!

If you’re like me, you spent time reading up on the different candidates and their positions, weighing them against your own beliefs, and discussing with trusted friends.

Here in California, we had 10 different propositions on the ballot that also had to be considered, everything from tax hikes to repealing the death penalty. (The former passed, the latter did not, in case you’re curious). Others are more relaxed in their approach, preferring to go with their gut, read the a few articles, and then cast their vote.

Whether picking a President or a partner, here are 5 tips to help us look past the hype and coy advances to see with eyes wide open the heart of that person and make the best choice.

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The "Other" Woman

“911, what is your emergency?”

“There’s an intruder in my house.”

“Are you in danger, ma’am?”

“In danger of being taken over!! A crazy person has invaded my home. She’s moody, sullen, weepy, insecure and in general, a wreck. She’s oddly familiar but I don’t know who she is.”

I felt like making that call this week. I have long prided myself on being a strong, confident, independent, slightly sassy and a fairly put together woman. Sure there were kinks in the armor but nothing that I couldn’t keep behind closed doors.

Then I got married.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part II

Relationships. Love them, hate them. They make life so exciting and simultaneously require so much work. Last post I looked at three signs that it may be time to leave your relationship in order to make room for one that is a better fit, that is more intentional and has more staying power.

Today, here are three signs that it’s not time to throw in the towel just yet, that it may still be worth it to stay.

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Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part I

Every relationship is going to reach a crossroads, some on the second date, others after a few months or years.

Is this a relationship to continue pouring into, to keep pursuing and working at, or is it time to bid adieu, change the Facebook status and move on?

Here are three signs that it may be time to go. Next post, I’ll give you three reasons it might be worth it to stay.

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The Green-Eyed Monster

This week I'm guest posting over at Verily Magazine. Here's a teaser:

When I was single, I pored over books and blogs, and spent countless hours dissecting relationships in conversation with friends in search of that one great love.

Having observed plenty of relationships, I knew that when I finally found my soul-thrilling, epic love, there would be imperfections in this man that I would have to learn to patiently accept. What I didn’t expect ...


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Does Your Relationship Need a Boost?

There are two kinds of comfortable in a romantic relationship.

Good:The pressure to impress that other person has subsided and you’re finally at ease enough in the relationship to be all of you, from the put-together to the emotionally unhinged.

Not so Good: You are no longer excited by this person or the relationship, routine has become the rut you’re stuck in and you’ve lost that spark that first got this whole train started.

We aim for the first, knowing it’s a rare thing indeed to actually find that sort of comfortable in a romantic relationship.

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3 Tips to Instantly Improve Relationships

There are some great articles out this week that I highly recommend checking out.

Over at Verily Magazine, Kara Eschbach and Monica Gabriel respond to an article in The Atlantic that touted “Boys on the Side,” as a good strategy for women seeking to pursue career first, love second. Sheila GregoireCourtneyJennifer, and Darlene Schacht have collectively focused this week on helping women revamp their marriages by speaking words of praise towards their husbands.

What does this have to do with us who are young adults, many who are single and not yet married?

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Jane Austen on Hooking-up

I was watching Pride and Prejudice this past weekend, which I do every time my husband goes out of town. It has to be the BBC 8 hour version with Colin Firth. If you’re a real fan, you’ll understand. You simply cannot scrimp on Jane Austen’s dialogue or on Mr. Firth. But I digress.

Aside from the intrigue, the scandals, the depth of characters, and the biting wit delivered in refined prose, Austen has an ability to talk about sex, relationships and the male/female dynamic in a manner that is timeless. Take this little gem for instance:

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What Habits Are You Forming?

It’s unatural, restricting and goes against our natural instincts, which is why people get restless in marriage,” argued my friend as we sat discussing relationships and sexual fidelity. My line of work has a tendency to bring up these sort of conversations.

He’s not alone in thinking that. It’s a line of thought that gets used to rationalize a myriad of behavior in marriages, such as the one I addressed here .

But this looks at divorce only as the sum of the marriage experience and nothing before.

Newsflash: When the city records office hands you your marriage license, it doesn’t come with a giant reset button for all your habits, attitudes and expectations about relationships.

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The Most Unromantic Proposal

I was watching The Newsroom season finale this week and …

Spoiler Alert!: Only a small one but if you plan to watch the finale, skip to the (*) asterisk down the page.

There’s a moment when one of the characters, Don, invites his on-again, off-again girlfriend Maggie into his apartment. The lights are off, the living room is glowing with candles and Don pulls out a box. At this point, any girl watching this scene with the sound off would have immediately thought, “Oh, he’s going to propose!”

Which he did. Except instead of a diamond ring as a symbol of his love and devotion, Don offers Maggie a key to his apartment.

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Do You Know How to Live with Imperfect?

I’m married to the most amazing man. Really. He has the patience of Job, the integrity of Abraham Lincoln and the looks of a rugged cowboy, all with fiery red hair. And he loves me something crazy.

But my husband is not perfect. And neither am I.

Shocking, I know. Being married nearly two years made that glaringly apparent to me.

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3 Tips for Dating in this Digital World

Most of us have grown up never knowing life without internet, cell-phones and email. Yet the frenzy of living in this 24/7 digital world has left many of us relationally exhausted, yearning for a simpler way. Even my most plugged-in, wired friends call to complain that it’s just too difficult to know what to do. More options have only made it more complicated, blurring the dating guidelines.

Now, when you’re interested in someone, you Google their history, comb through their Facebook pictures for past girlfriends/boyfriends, and follow them on Twitter for the play-by-play of their life.

Or maybe that was just me.

The Problem: All of those digital mediums tell you about that person but they don’t help you know them.

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Are You The Hero In Your Own Story?

Have you read A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, by Donald Miller? My interest was piqued after reading this hilarious post by Jamie, the Very Worst Missionary, where she describes her time at Miller’s Storyline Conference. This book focuses on the deceptively simple, yet profound, question: What kind of story are you living? One line in particular jumped out at me. So much so that I had to grab a pen and underline it right then.

“No girl who plays the role of a hero dates a guy who uses her. She knows who she is."
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