Pornography Exposed

Pornography Exposed

In my previous post, I asked the question:

Is there anything harmful that warrants our intervention, not just for children but possibly adults?

I got responses that ranged the spectrum from support for a total ban to concern that doing so would criminalize adults who are using it in what they deem a healthy and responsible way.

As one reader asked, “…as long as the behavior is kept in the privacy of one’s home, and is not negatively affecting others, why legislate against it?”

Read More

Things We Say to Our Friends That Are Not Helpful

Now that I'm married, it's easy to forget that I once thought singleness would be my status in life….forever. And I was ok with that! But it seemed that other people were not. In an effort to comfort me for what they saw lacking (a guy) they came up with some pretty amazing comments:

“You’ll find someone else.”

"Just wait. Eventually guys will realize what they're missing and be lining up."

"You're probably not going to get asked out a lot, and that's ok. You're just so unique! You want someone who gets that."


Read More

When to Walk Away

I'm guest posting this week over at Verily Magazine. Is it time for you to walk away from your relationship? Here are three tell-tale signs:

Now that the aura of Valentine’s Day is behind us, it’s time we remove our rose-colored glasses and stare our relationships squarely in the face. You may find that your relationship is as wonderful as you thought, or you may discover that its time to walk away.

Read More

Struggling with Your Relationship Status?

It’s been two weeks since that day. The one that you either meet with apathy, disdain, or giddy excitement. President’s Day. Just kidding.

When you’re single, it’s easy to despise February 14th. I did my fair share of bashing, affectionately labeling it “Single Awareness Day” and wearing black in silent protest of the pink and red world I was forced to endure for a day.

Those of you lucky enough (or unlucky, depending on your view) to have a Valentine that day, you may have been frantically searching for a way to celebrate the day in a way that would somehow live up to expectations without draining your savings account.


Read More

Marriage Is Not Valentine's Day Every Day

I'm over at Verily Magazine posting today on what marriage is not. Come join me!

I was on the phone with a friend recently and off-handedly commented that my husband and I weren’t big into celebrating Valentine’s Day. To which she jokingly quipped, “Well that’s because you’re married. Isn’t every day Valentine’s Day?”

I about choked on my laughter.


Read More

Inter-faith Relationships: Can They Work?

A Jew and a Buddhist.
A Muslim and a Hindu.
A Christian and an Atheist.

Sounds like the start of a bad joke, doesn’t it? Actually, I want to discuss inter-faith relationships and marriages. Which may hit a sensitive cord in some depending on your own family, beliefs, and experiences.

Can inter-faith relationships work? Does it matter what is someone’s faith background?
Read More

Picking a Partner is like Picking a President

It’s been over a week now since the General Election. And what an election it was!

If you’re like me, you spent time reading up on the different candidates and their positions, weighing them against your own beliefs, and discussing with trusted friends.

Here in California, we had 10 different propositions on the ballot that also had to be considered, everything from tax hikes to repealing the death penalty. (The former passed, the latter did not, in case you’re curious). Others are more relaxed in their approach, preferring to go with their gut, read the a few articles, and then cast their vote.

Whether picking a President or a partner, here are 5 tips to help us look past the hype and coy advances to see with eyes wide open the heart of that person and make the best choice.

Read More

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part II

Relationships. Love them, hate them. They make life so exciting and simultaneously require so much work. Last post I looked at three signs that it may be time to leave your relationship in order to make room for one that is a better fit, that is more intentional and has more staying power.

Today, here are three signs that it’s not time to throw in the towel just yet, that it may still be worth it to stay.

Read More

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Part I

Every relationship is going to reach a crossroads, some on the second date, others after a few months or years.

Is this a relationship to continue pouring into, to keep pursuing and working at, or is it time to bid adieu, change the Facebook status and move on?

Here are three signs that it may be time to go. Next post, I’ll give you three reasons it might be worth it to stay.

Read More

Does Your Relationship Need a Boost?

There are two kinds of comfortable in a romantic relationship.

Good:The pressure to impress that other person has subsided and you’re finally at ease enough in the relationship to be all of you, from the put-together to the emotionally unhinged.

Not so Good: You are no longer excited by this person or the relationship, routine has become the rut you’re stuck in and you’ve lost that spark that first got this whole train started.

We aim for the first, knowing it’s a rare thing indeed to actually find that sort of comfortable in a romantic relationship.

Read More

What Habits Are You Forming?

It’s unatural, restricting and goes against our natural instincts, which is why people get restless in marriage,” argued my friend as we sat discussing relationships and sexual fidelity. My line of work has a tendency to bring up these sort of conversations.

He’s not alone in thinking that. It’s a line of thought that gets used to rationalize a myriad of behavior in marriages, such as the one I addressed here .

But this looks at divorce only as the sum of the marriage experience and nothing before.

Newsflash: When the city records office hands you your marriage license, it doesn’t come with a giant reset button for all your habits, attitudes and expectations about relationships.

Read More

The Most Unromantic Proposal

I was watching The Newsroom season finale this week and …

Spoiler Alert!: Only a small one but if you plan to watch the finale, skip to the (*) asterisk down the page.

There’s a moment when one of the characters, Don, invites his on-again, off-again girlfriend Maggie into his apartment. The lights are off, the living room is glowing with candles and Don pulls out a box. At this point, any girl watching this scene with the sound off would have immediately thought, “Oh, he’s going to propose!”

Which he did. Except instead of a diamond ring as a symbol of his love and devotion, Don offers Maggie a key to his apartment.

Read More

Do You Know How to Live with Imperfect?

I’m married to the most amazing man. Really. He has the patience of Job, the integrity of Abraham Lincoln and the looks of a rugged cowboy, all with fiery red hair. And he loves me something crazy.

But my husband is not perfect. And neither am I.

Shocking, I know. Being married nearly two years made that glaringly apparent to me.

Read More

Boundaries: Creating a Game Plan

In my last article, we came up with the WHY behind our relationship boundaries, discussing how the WHY gives purpose, lays the foundation, and keeps us committed to the boundaries each of us sets for ourselves.

Today, we’re discussing the HOW.

Building healthy, effective boundaries begins with envisioning where you want these relationships to go and what you’d like them to become. As Stephen Covey, author of the best-selling book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, so wisely says, “begin with the end in mind.”

Read More

Boundaries: The WHY Underneath

Boundaries. They sound about as exciting as putting on a straight jacket. Unless you understand the WHY behind them, boundaries seem restrictive, rather than empowering. WHY gives them purpose, lays the foundation for you to build upon, and is what will keep you committed when it’s hard, painful, and you’re ready to throw in the towel.

You have to own this “why,” believe it is the core of who you are, and decide it is worth it for YOU. It is your WHY that you will keep coming back to as your relationships change, as you grow, and as seasons come and go.

Read More

Boundaries: Ft. Knox Or Thin Ropes

Barrier. Border. Extent. Limit. Line. Edge. Boundary. We all have them in our lives. It’s how much you will put up with before you reach your limit. The extent to which you will go for a friend. The edge of your personal bubble. The line that no one should cross if they don’t want to cross you. The boundary between what is acceptable and what is unsafe, abusive, intrusive, offensive, annoying, or insensitive. Boundaries in relationships help us stay balanced and regulate how much and how fast we share. They also keep us from allowing someone to take advantage of our generosity, our time, and our love.

Read More